wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
