You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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