New invention idea: vibrating tampons
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
