I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
