I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
