Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
