on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
