My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
