and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i've created a new STD.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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