The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
