Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
