Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
