They should really pass out barf bags in church
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
