So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
