Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
