I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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