I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
