Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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