They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
