How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
