Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone says I win the strip club
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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