you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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