She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
