I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
third nipple confirmed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
