Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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