ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
