i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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