Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
