i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
