We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
