That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
