How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
