i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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