I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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