I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
