uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
