After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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