If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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