Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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