I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
