Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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