i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
