no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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