Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
