Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
