You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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