Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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