Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
