My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
two words: eviction party
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My ass is underappreciated
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
