I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
