in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
