I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
